A woman I respected once told me this story: 

“When I stayed home with the kids I asked my husband for $10 for something I wanted. He asked me why and I swore that was the last time I would ever need to ask him for money again.”

This story influenced me greatly. I was 14 when I heard it.

This woman was degraded by being a grown woman asking permission to spend $10 on herself. Understandably so! When stay-at-home parents (SAHP) have to account for personal purchases, it can be discouraging. It can discourage them from buying things for themselves and taking care of themselves properly. This is why I maintain that each person in the household should have at least a little money completely to themselves.

Of course every family is different and many of you have made great arguments for one big pool but I’m  sticking with Suze Orman on this one. I still think we should all have at least a little bit to ourselves. 

Of course, you can’t really “pay” the SAHP in your household. If you paid them by the hour, you’d be broke, no matter how minimal the wage. This system is about making sure the SAHP has some cash to themselves because LORD KNOWS they’re worth it! 

I have been thinking about this since I wrote this post about separate checking accounts. Here is what I came up with and I think it’s pretty good if I do say so myself! What do you think? 

• Use the formula for household expenses that I suggested in this post: Add up your household expenses and decide how much you need in a joint checking account to pay those expenses. 
• Now set a budget for saving. A good rule of thumb is 10% of your monthly income. 
• Now take what is left over and SPLIT IT RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE. Each portion goes directly into the respective bank accounts in their own names! What each person does with their half is their own $^%&ING BUSINESS! Automate this. Do not ask one another to account for that money if you can avoid it! 

Note that you are only splitting the leftover money. You are not eating into your expenses for this. Also note that when the earner gets a raise, both adults do. This is indicative of the fact that we support one another completely. 

Like most women, I had a pretty visceral reaction to the idea of a “wife bonus” that was discussed in the New York Times last spring. To put it bluntly: It’s bullshit. The SAHP’s money should not be dictated by the working parent. Period. The working parent’s efforts and successes are dependent on the SAHP’s efforts and vice versa. If the paycheck parent gets a raise, so does the non-paycheck parent. Because the raise was earned on both backs. I think this system takes that into account. 

And do I have a spreadsheet to help you figure this out? You bet your data plan I do! This spreadsheet has an example of this budgeting technique to get you started. Clickety click below to get it emailed to you for free! 

I would love to know how other families do this and if this is something that seems doable for your SAHP. Please let me know at any and all of the social networks that you love!