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Learned Helplessness

July 14, 2019

I am guilty of learned helplessness from our trials from the last year. My husband and I became so used to taking beatings that we came to expect it. For months we had a routine question for one another when we met up at the end of the day:

“Hi Honey. Anyone hitting you?” 

This meant has anyone threatened you? Attacked you on the Internet? Any press pushed you for comments on a one-side story?

These things happened with such regularity over the past year that it became routine to inquire. Let’s call it the Theon Greyjoy syndrome.

We had each other but still we have felt very alone. We have lost friends and been uninvited to parties. We have reached out to people we thought were friends only to have silence returned.

And I get it. People don’t know how to respond to something like this. Some friendships have an expiration date when it comes to trials. Or maybe they think that they never knew us at all if any of this is true. It’s an interesting exercise in ego when you know that other people are actively making an opinion about your life. You find out in those moments how much that effects your own opinion of yourself.

But last week I wrote about this for the first time in my own words and I was truthfully shocked at the amount of support we still had. Most people did not know what we were going through and that was pleasantly surprising. Even more people offered a kind word and it showed me how unaccustomed I have become to the beauty in others. It showed me how guilty I have been of learned helplessness. To all of those who offered us a loving thought I say this:

From the bottom of my heart, Thank you! I’m sorry that I forgot that you were there to lend a helping hand. 

Recently a new round of news articles took another swipe at us and AGAIN they use the Fox News guy angle. Clayton left Fox two years ago! The press also fails to mention that we have had several lawsuits dismissed already because we did not defraud people!

If I were Eckhart Tolle maybe this wouldn’t bother me but I am not and I admit that it feels terrible. Here is a fun and random sampling of the kinds of comments I woke up to today:

Do people running from the law blog, podcast, and do YouTube videos? Must consult Jason Bourne handbook for how to better be incognito.

It must be noted that none of these people ever worked with us. They simply decided to use their Sunday morning to stir up some hatred for us and then let us know about it. Good use of your time!

I admit, I once Tweeted how I thought Gail Simmons‘ plunging neckline on the Top Chef Finale was too slutty. Could this be just deserts?? I am SO sorry Gail Simmons! I take it back! You rocked that cleavage and I was a jealous bitch about it.

My lawyers did advise that the press and the plaintiffs lawyers wouldn’t like it if we moved out of the country. Well, I don’t like what the press and plaintiffs lawyers are doing either so I guess that makes us even in the life-choice-approval category.

Speaking up about this has changed me forever but there is no going back. So many of your comments and reactions have changed me too. It made me realize that I am supported in places that I did not think to look and there is so much love in a world that is otherwise hard for us right now. I have to unlearn this learned helplessness because there are more bright lights than dark ones if I look in the right direction. For every crappy post that I can share with you, I have ten more that are loving and supportive and that is everything!!

As for those of you who choose to get involved with dark words because you don’t believe me or don’t like me, I am not there yet but I am actively seeking the strength to say the magic words that one must say to the Goblin King in order to escape the Labyrinth: