Natali Morris Blog

September 8, 2017

Your Paycheck Vs Your Ego

I thought I was ready for my husband to leave his “day job” as a news anchor but my ego mind woke me up at 1 a.m. the night after he signed off to tell me otherwise.

The ego mind was flashing this image of Clayton and thinking:  

This job made you all special. The job kept your family safe. How will we be special and safe now? 

I did not wake up and begin to think these thoughts. I woke up to the cacophony of my brain already yelling them.

The ego mind is not a narcissist. The ego mind is the part of  all of us that is looking to keep us safe at all costs. I guess I had not realized how much my ego loved our TV jobs.

You used to both be on TV. Now neither of you are. What will people think? What will your parents brag about? What will I impress people with on my social networks? 

The ego likes to think it is better than other people because that feels safe. But I don’t feel that way. I don’t think we need these jobs to be special and I KNOW from running our freedom numbers over and over and over again that we do not need the paycheck to be safe. I knew that my ego was talking shit because it was being threatened.

So I listened. I observed. I allowed these thoughts to yell themselves hoarse, knowing that it was a Rumpelstiltskin moment for old code inside of me that needed to die.

I’ve been through many of these ego sessions in the 6 years since I left full-time broadcast work. I haven’t always been able to observe and deflate. I’ve oft jumped right in and participated, resulting in a lot of internal pain. But I guess I have learned better.

I’m like Sansa Stark – I may be a slow learner but I do learn. And I have to say that observing this ego death was something I enjoyed. I wanted to feel this transition for us in every way necessary.

So it’s onward and upward! And I’m so excited about it after this breakthrough for us all!

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