NATALI MORRIS

Natali Morris Blog

December 23, 2008

My Festivus Grievances

So what if Festivus is a silly cultish joke? I’m trying to be an equal opportunity holiday celebrant. My apologies for not wishing you a Happy Hanukkah sooner.

I will not get to spend time with my family this season. I regret that but my family doesn’t make a big to-do about the holidays so I’m not missing much other than watching really bad comedies with my mom (like the travesty that was Boat Trip), making Ranger cookies for my brother-in-law, and gossiping with my sister about our crazy relatives.

Despite missing out on those beloved festivities, I am still feeling the holiday spirit. New York is beautiful (although soooooooo insanely cold) this time of year. It is my first Christmas in a proper winter. Plus, I’m excited for 2009 and heading to Las Vegas for CES in just a few weeks. Thank you to everyone who wrote me with encouraging words about 2008. In my last blog post, I mentioned that 2008 was hard. I moved away from my family and friends and had a rough time adjusting to New York. But as I look back, I have very few regrets. I’m glad I came here and I’m glad it was hard. Hard doesn’t mean bad. It just means hard. I quote General David Petraeus on this one: “Hard is not hopeless.”

Okay, enough optimism. It is Festivus after all. So here is my 2008 airing of grievances. I may add to this throughout the day. Feel free to add yours in the comment section.

  • There is no native landscape keyboard, video capture, or MMS for my iPhone;
  • There is no Mac version of Chrome;
  • The person who found my iPhone in a cab and never returned it is hereby cursed to bad technology karma for the rest of his/her days;
  • MobileMe never really does exactly what I want it to;
  • Any and all browsers on my Curve behave like an absolute puta;
  • The BlackBerry Storm was a big fat letdown;
  • Nokia phones are too darn expensive;
  • HP’s press representative won’t let me keep this Vivienne Tam netbook for one second longer than I need it for my TV segments;
  • Every single pair of headphones or earbuds that come into my possession break within a fortnight – even the high-end ones;
  • I never have a jump drive on my person when I need one but have about a dozen when I don’t;
  • Google’s speech recognition search engine still can’t understand me;
  • Loaded takes so darn long to encode and upload to CNET TV;
  • The Teleprompter software we use on the Loaded set was developed by demons;
  • Growl likes to freeze my OS;
  • Microsoft Entourage, I hate you more than I’ve ever hated anything in my entire life. You make my life miserable every single day. Whoever developed you, wrote the program as a big fat “Screw you!” to Mac users. Message communicated. Screw you too!
  • New: Cab drivers who lecture me about paying with credit card.

Yes, they are all mostly tech related. I don’t usually carry grievances for people. Except maybe for those responsible for the dismal performance of the San Francisco Giants this year! They know who they are!

34 responses to “My Festivus Grievances”

  1. David K says:

    Hopefully some Entourage developers see this post. I’m with you.

  2. antje wilsch says:

    My gripe is that NYC keeps stealing all our cool women tech peeps (from silicon valley) like Natali! :)

  3. Dave Harris says:

    I agree on the Microsoft Entourage program. What a piece of junk! I’ll stick with apple mail and mobile me. For my grievances:

    After paying $80,000 for law school, getting hit with another $1000 just to take the bar exam sucks.

    Having my investments tank to 50% of their previous value REALLY sucks.

    That’s about it, it really has been a pretty good year. :)

  4. cdot23 says:

    First of all… can I just say that you are awesome… I watch loaded everyday because of you. I follow you on Twitter as well. You seem like you’d be a really cool woman to hang out with.

    On to the comment…

    I agree with you about the Storm. As, I didn’t get one, I did a lot of research and I’ve come to the conclusion that no one wants to get it right. The iPhone has everything except blackberry caliber email and SMS… The Storm has the email and SMS but no WiFi and it’s not as smooth as the iPhone… What should happen is Apple needs to partner with RIM to make the ultimate smartphone. We’ll probably never see that come to fruition though. I just want to buy a device that I don’t have to worry about replacing for a few years. It seems like I’m looking for a new phone every year… Somethings gotta give…

  5. Andrew says:

    I got a new phone, camera lens and you follow me on Twitter, think I’m content. 😉 Merry Christmas Nat.

  6. Kevin says:

    Ha! Great list. I feel it, especially the headphones one.

    Also, LOL @ puta. :)

  7. Matthew says:

    Natali

    I concur on the iphone grievances! No Video Capture- WTF!

    My Redskins not making the playoffs!

    UT getting snubbed and not playing in the BCS title game! OU sucks.

    My cracked Iphone screen! going to have to buy a new one

    Being in Cold weather like Virginia high of 15 yesterday but can’t go Ski the Slopes…. I want snow if I’m going to freeze my boys off.

    Mean People!
    Stinky People who bad B-O! haha… .

  8. Here’s my grievance: some bastardo stole a package delivered to my building yesterday while I was out… The contents of said package was a diggnation hoodie and bottle opener for my buddy who is now getting an IOU picture of what he WAS getting for christmas.

    May the thief suffer his worst xmas yet! If karma is a puta, Festivus Maximus is her mother.

  9. Jason W. says:

    Don’t forget the lack of Picasa on the Mac!

  10. Uno says:

    Non-accessible fro-yo.

  11. Thom R. says:

    My grievance: No cut and paste on the iPhone and no Slingbox application for it. Mobile Me sucks for the cost you have to pay

  12. Solidarity, sister. I feel most of these grievances, especially Chrome on the Mac. Entourage is my email client of choice, but obviously it could use a diet — too big and bloated. I think after the new year I’m going to start fresh and throughout my database, which is currently about 7 years in the making.

    And if you’re feeling really adventurous, you can come home with me this Christmas. Oh, the look on my parents’ faces.

  13. Tim K says:

    I accidentally dropped a weighted stocking hanger on my Macbook Pro yesterday when I bumped an overfilled stocking and the weight feel onto my screen… Has a deep scratch near the iSight now. Almost three years, just about perfect condition and now this! Screw you stocking holder! Now I have to look at this scratch everyday! I read online that Vaseline might help to cover it up… Keep your fingers crossed!

  14. fred says:

    2008 blew for me too, and the grievances have piled up a little too much.

    The assholes who stole all my dj gear and the vinyl I’ve been collecting for the past 15 years the day before my 30th birthday.

    Steve jobs for making the iPhone good but not great, ie. Copy paste, video capture, and much more

    Mayor Daley for skimming money off the city budget to stockpile for the 2016 olympics, selling off parking meters so now the price is going to $6.50 an hour, reduced snow removal and so much more…

    Bank of America for pulling out of our restaurant loan, after signing letters of commitment to our contractors and lanlord, thus delaying our opening 6 months

    Rod Blagojevich – do I need to explain, and those that voted for him knowing he was a scammer.

    Cubs fans – please give up – somebody needs to tear down the beer garden please

    Chicago city council – grow a pair and stand up to the mayor

    McCaskey family – let go of some cash and make the bears a better team – get jobs and stop living off the team.

    The other owners of the whitesox – not jerry – for being cheap with the team, just sell your share to jerry already – at least he wants to win

    My poochie dying, I know she had a long life but I still miss her.

    Wow Natali, thanks, this was actually like mini therapy.

  15. myke says:

    Wonderful list.

    I twitted you my grievance. Just the Halloween thing. I have so many iPhone grievances I don’t know where to start.
    I look forward to the Feats of Strength. I refused to be pinned!

  16. S!ick says:

    (After having installed programs into my computer) Windows takes too long to load…

  17. Natali:

    Nice list. I lost my BlackBerry in a D.C. cab a year ago, and before I could get the service shut down, someone had made $30+ in calls to Ethipoia. T-Mobile was cool about it though.

    Nevertheless, a pox upon the miscreant who did NOT return my cell and made those calls to Africa.

    Merry Christmas, Natali. And if we don’t bump into each other at CES, have a fantastic 2009!

    Poppa P

    c/o SOAR Communications
    801-523-3730: work
    poppa.p@soarcomm.com: email
    http://www.TheBettyFactor.com: blog
    http://www.soarcomm.com/blog: blog

  18. Very nice rant, my dear. I myself am uploading my new post “Why YOU (the rhetoric ‘YOU’) Screw Up Christmas”. You might get a kick out of it. I’m glad your NYC adventures are working out. Nothing like getting out of the nest to realize that you should have done it years before. I myself am an only child so I don’t sweat it. Happy holidays and I hope Santa is good to you…

  19. Robert says:

    Wow no grievances towards me I feel so privilege. Merry Christmas natali ,I hope 2009 is very good year for you.
    Robert

  20. Peter says:

    6/16 grievances are Apple-related. I see a solution!

  21. […] My Festivus Grievances […]

  22. Mom says:

    You hate Boat Trip? You “act” as if you like it…hmmmm….now I will have to subject you to The 3 Stoodges, Space Balls and The Great Outdoors.
    I’d like to see you do Festivus Grievances on some of our relatives (jk)

  23. alex says:

    My grievances for this year are the following:

    – never getting to go all this year to check out the bomba y plena band at the spot literally a few blocks from my apt
    – not getting to hit up any of the twitter, networking, funtime events going on this year
    – finding out that I’m losing (or by this time have lost) my job a few weeks before the end of the year
    – finding out that the wedding/engagement rings I ordered so I may propose to my GF won’t arrive in time for our X-mas holiday vacation while we’re here in Florida with my family
    – never getting to complete, or really start, the 100 push-up program (google it)

    Nonetheless, looking forward to a much better/happier year in 2009.

  24. re: my earlier Grievance
    Just an hour ago, I went outside to find my missing package at my door! It’s a Festivus miracle!

  25. CVBruce says:

    Thanks Natali, your rants put a big smile on my face.

  26. mirthis says:

    Hi Natali, I wish you the best for 2009 and I hope is not going to be so hard. Although I firmly believe that “Ciò che non ti uccide ti fortifica”, that I don’t know how it’s translated in english but it means something like “Everything which doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” and I’m glad you’ve no regret for what you’ve done!
    About your list, well evn if I am a n95 owner I agree with you about Nokia’s phone price although here in the tech third world (Italy ;D) every kind of gadgets is pretty expensive.
    It made me smile to see some of Loaded-related things in your list. For me that I watch the show everything seems so simple but I can imagine it takes a lot of time to obtain such a great result!
    Well, tanti auguri di nuovo per il prossimo anno^^

  27. Steve says:

    Hi Natali. I’ve actually never seen you before but I saw the today show this morning and I had to look up who the hot girl was talking about tech stuff. Looking at your site you seem normal and fun too. Who ever you’re dating, I’m jealous!

    I want to add to the list my soon to be ex-girlfriend who keeps watching non-high def TV channels and uses TV speakers when I have a really high end home theater system. How can she do that??? I even have a remote that makes it really simple. Things like “Watch TV” or “Watch a Movie” are some options and the remote does everything for you. Women!

    Captain Janks from Howard Stern gets an honorable mention for making me think I won a normal digital camera for a trivia night prize. When I got it, it was a 0.3 megapixel camera with built-in only memory of 25 pictures. I gave it to my friend’s 2 year old son. I don’t remember cameras ever being less than 1 megapixel so I don’t know where he dug that out from.

    Have a great 2009!

  28. Simon says:

    I can only get google search to recognise one or two things :( oh well I thought it was just the English accent!

    Have a better 2009

  29. JusJed says:

    Always enjoy your spot on the Today show. You are beautiful ray of sunshine and knowledge on their program. Thank you for that. Happy New Year Natali.

  30. Edwin Chua says:

    Just wanted to say you were awesome on the Today show this morning! That was very nice what you did for the lady’s cubicle. That must have been a blast. Happy New Year and good luck in everything!

  31. Rose says:

    May the pain of 2008 be gone quickly for all of us!!! Life is too short!!

  32. Lew says:

    Be sure and see the Fark thread that tangentially references you…if you have not already…

    http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=4126705

  33. […] Festivus Grievances: 2009 // Last year I made a list of all of the technologies that worked my nerves for Festivus. Well ladies and gentlemen, Festivus […]

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